Thinking about Therapy in Uncertain Times
Being plunged into the sea of uncertainty can knock the wind out of most people’s sails. Most of us – if not all of us – encounter uncertainty in various forms in our daily lives: it can range from the mild annoyance of not knowing how long a friend might keep us waiting at a cafe to the excruciating wait to receive the outcome of an interview or exam. Uncertainty can be a constant companion, showing up in frequent, little ways and in larger, more consequential ones, but what happens when uncertainty occurs on a scale most of us have never experienced or were ever prepared for?
Speaking with people around the city, many actively recollect what they were doing, or where they were, when the initial news of attacks within the country’s airspace were reported at the end of February. The ripples of confused texts and worried phone calls spread across homes and public spaces, the uncertainty slowly gathering speed and urgency as hours progressed into days, into weeks and spilled over a month. The loud roar of active war then giving way to the more incremental, drawn out uncertainty of the ceasefire. Between the alerts of missiles, the sounds of interceptions, working from home, worrying about safety and attending to children whose in-person classes were suspended, trying to plan around an unknown can be immensely demanding. For those of us who have never navigated this kind of upheaval before, our bodies and minds can run amok: minds racing, appetites altered, sleepless nights, an inability to focus on our tasks and a constant search for anything that gives us some certainty where none immediately exists. It can feel difficult to look to others for comfort as they might be in a state of distress themselves – and equally difficult to take on the anxieties of loved ones, as you begin to feel overwhelmed yourself. As the uncertainty and demands mount, our connections to our bodies can fade – as if we’ve ceased to be able to move, frozen in place: mind racing but body unwilling to cooperate, unsure if the next steps we take might plunge us into an abyss.
Considering therapy at a time like this can be a complicated decision for some. Intuitively, it might feel like reaching out for professional help when everything seems unstable is the most obvious thing to do, but it need not always be the case. Therapy extends certain invitations to a person, the most important one being: the invitation to actively be involved in the process, beyond the weekly session. Having been to therapy myself, I appreciate how much this can ask of us – to have to sit with and face parts of yourself that may be upsetting and to reconsider difficult thoughts or memories requires some space for ourselves. While this space is offered in a therapy session, the world outside offers far less when steeped in the kind of uncertainty that a regional war brings. This might look like less space because everyone is working or learning from home and public spaces aren’t accessible, but it could also mean that you have less space psychologically to actively process a situation with no clear end in sight, while also having to attend to many more responsibilities than you’ve been accustomed to. It isn’t unusual, at this juncture, to request your therapist to change the frequency of your sessions or request a pause altogether. For those seeking out therapy for the first time, the surrounding instability might make them postpone therapy to a steadier time. Indeed, the ceasefire provides a sustained pocket of normalcy within which many reach out to therapists or suddenly find themselves realising just how much they need to come to terms with.
It is important to note, however, that not everyone might need this kind of break or reconsideration of therapy during periods of upheaval and uncertainty. For some, entering therapy in the midst of war or regional uncertainty can be like taking a heavy overcoat off at the door – while you’re in a session with your therapist, the outside world carries on and you focus, instead, on a concern you were already focused on or something completely unrelated to the wider situation. Here, therapy can be a much-needed place to focus on your own needs in an unselfish manner, recognising that despite the world outside, your inner life and needs still go on. Back outside, heavy overcoat back on, people can meet uncertainty by still finding spaces to take the overcoat off, ever briefly, to focus on themselves again. As stressful as the uncertainty is, it may seem even more challenging to continue without the space and support that therapy offers. When we think of having to stay indoors and work from home, people can often end up isolated or seeing loved ones infrequently – in those moments, therapy and being in meaningful contact with another can be an important lifeline, one that keeps us steady and grounded. A way to remind ourselves that we are cared for and have the capacity to care for others.
Uncertainty is never something we can ever fully formulate a solution for; our ways of managing it often need to be tailored to the particular nature of the uncertainty, evolving always to meet it, our responses always mediated by how novel the uncertainty is and how often we meet it. The decision to begin, pause, continue or end therapy, always remains a personal one. It’s one that can be figured out with your therapist while also honouring what feels best for what might be happening in your life at the time. Whether you need some time to settle before seeking it – or whether it feels like a much needed lifeline amidst unsteadiness, therapy and the space it offers always remains an option.
